The story is set up as a list, but
it is unclear of what, even after completion of the reading—possibly
instructions? I wanted more description of the essential starters to life
besides money, especially since the game monopoly is used twice, unlike the
other examples. Some of the wording is unnecessary and weakens the force the
listing creates, such as starting with “but” and “once again”. The most obvious
revision, though, is the near constant switch from second person singular to
second person plural. It isn’t as forceful to jump back and forth from you to
we and vice versa. Either is effective, as long as only one is chosen. I like the concept of board games compared to
life and I find the “title” appropriate (although it could be changed to “The
Game of Life”) but it seems like a waste to not include any examples of the
board game Life itself. At the same
time, I don’t see why the title isn’t set off from the rest of the list. There
could also be more links to games, potentially branching to video games
(relationships like “saving the princess”? ) if you want to go in that
direction. The limit really just depends on how far you take it. “Games” is a
very broad term: intellectual strategy games,
card games, board games, violent video games, and physical outdoorsy
games. Perhaps there is one link to all of these that you could find and
emphasize?
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