Desafortunado Critique

The experiment in this piece appears to be in the chronology, but I’m not positive about the chronology. I assumed it would be backwards once the horse showed up again, but upon reflecting, I think it is a full circle, opening with the end and working up to an explanation. I love the details and descriptions of the town and its interworkings, but question some of the wording, which I’ve circled. On the second page I like the phrase “The horse shuddered Herman in the silence” though I think it was a typo, however in light of the ending, I suppose it would be Freddy which doesn’t sound nearly as nice. Junior as a character confused me because it took effort to figure out if he had some mental disability or if he just had a stunted understanding because of his age. The way he has trouble with the fence is the soonest clear indication. The horse is referred to as “the albino” and “Cheyenne,” which could be either for variation, but I think it could used to reflect the emotional attachment of the human character in the scene. On page six there is an allusion to the “beaten horse” which could be played with. As for the climax, I find it a bit disjointed, as the gun is “sitting out on the desk” and Dessie is on the floor, yet when she shoots Herman, it appears as though she slept with it in her hand.