The experiment seems to
be one story detailed with various forms of communication with spacing playing
an important role. I think the spacing could be better utilized on the first
page, when defining probable cause, making it look more definition-like. The early
opening seems unlike any other form of the piece and I think it should be more
“tied down” to the narrative. However, it segues nicely into the definition and
what I presume is a report, which could be made clearer. The emphasis on the
second page would benefit from centering. The next is the main form of communication, revealed
to be mail, but without any greeting or recognizable form. It is interspersed with texting, journal
entries, and a review for a prison. The prison review, seems not particularly
necessary, very abrupt, and just downright strange and formal after so much
emotional spillage. The amalgam of apparently conflicting emotions at the end
seems characteristic of the speaker, but leaves the reader with this tangled ball
of emotions with only a mild desire to untangle them. I want to see the emotions swirling around the
speaker’s head, changing shape and form, growing and shrinking. I want them to
be exemplified through words, as well as more playing with spacing and text
size. “I love you. Fuck. You ruined
everything. I hate you. You mean
everything to me. You mean nothing to me. Fuck. You made everything better.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.”
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