In Fair Asphodel Critique

The opening is very tactile with lots of sensual, possibly sexual descriptions. There’s a hint of corruption in the carbuncles, razor blades, and condoms. As much as I like the depraved casually included with the more mundane, I think the word “condoms” could be better arranged within its sentence. The house is described in “outside”, more exposed words. The idea of the carousel floating down the river gives me a feeling of displacement, that I am in a boat and it seems as though everything is moving around me- I think it fits this piece. The river boils, an internal conflict. The meadow is futile, but the reader knows not what this means- what is the meadow’s purpose? I like the juxtaposition of the dark verb “plague” and casual “dotted with.” The flowers “anxiously pulsate” but the reason for this is unsure. The corpses’ movement is abrupt and unexpected. The king is anguished, but the reader doesn’t know why. The sultry scene is renewed with the flowers, now dancing as well. I like the Unintended Lullaby as a potential title. The final section is separate, indicating there is supposed to be some big reveal or understanding at the end, just from reading this one line. However, I find that the images in the story are so surreal and contrasting that I spent more time trying to reconcile them with one another than trying to extract the meaning and purpose of the story, leaving me confused.